Business 101

Running a successful business is a cherished dream for many of us. What we tend to forget is when the average person’s attention span is as long as a gnat’s lifetime, it’s even more essential to project the right image. No one buys your product, they buy into a lifestyle. So, here’s some business advice gleaned from the wunderkinds of Hollywood:

1. Choose the name wisely. ‘Smiling Cute Puppies PLC’ is wrong! ‘Treadstone Corp’/ ‘Skynet Corporation’/ ‘Annihilation Inc’ are perfect.

2. Logo. Eerie and frightening. Must instill dread amongst your consumers – The proles must be made aware that they ‘vill be hunted down as you know veir they live’ if they refuse to patronise your business.

3. Location. Zurich is passe. London is okay, the Caymans are better, and Kiev is best. You should also have branch offices in Milan, Cairo, Hong Kong, Lagos, and Buenos Aires. Offices must be designed with plenty of steel, glass and granite. No plush chairs. Think Darth Vader and the Deathstar, not Miss Marple at Sunday High Tea. Offices must only be open on gray and rainy days and never when it’s sunny. Continue reading Business 101


The Greatest Invention Ever

A paean to air conditioning

Some say Penicillin
Some say the Internet
Some say the Internal Combustion Engine
Some say 20-20 cricket

…All pale into insignificance
Alongside this man’s creation
A machine of heavenly provenance
That saved our souls from hellish perdition

Banishing the demons of summer
Bringing in a breeze so cool
Heaven’s just round the corner
And anyone who disagrees, is a fuckin’ tool

Sweet Home Noida

Sing to the tune of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s  Sweet Home Alabama

Chrome wheels keep on turning
Carry me home to see my co-accused
Singing songs about the Gujjarland
I miss UP once again
And I think its a sin, yes

Continue reading Sweet Home Noida

The System has Failed

To all my friends who want to watch some sporting action at Delhi 2010…

I’m sorry. You can’t.

You can TRY to buy tickets. For that you’ll have to visit a car or bike showroom, or perhaps a government bank. If you decide to go out of your way to do so, you’ll be asked to fill out a form and arrange for a Demand Draft. Fancy buying tickets worth Rs 50,000? Sorry. We’d rather make it so difficult for you that you end up feeling frustrated. We’d prefer our stadia stay empty – even when two legends such as Leander Paes and Mahesh Bhupathi are on the court.

Continue reading The System has Failed

Shut up or they’ll kill you

Another Republic Day is at hand, and as India celebrates 61 years of democracy, every monkey with Internet access is putting up his two cents on the state of the union. These articles will invariably be a tale of how our netas and babus are royally screwing us over, with perhaps some tributes to our brave men and women in uniform thrown in, and perhaps some words of how we are on the right path and obstacles are to be expected and will be dealt with.

It’s our birthright, isn’t it? The Constitution guarantees us the right to speech and expression, and we do rightfully take pride in keeping India the idea alive in the form of the Indian Republic. Freedom of speech is one marker for democracy and for being a civilised society. But, do we really make the cut to be called one?

Continue reading Shut up or they’ll kill you

Ramblings, rants, and more.

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